A LITTLE BIT OF A RANT.......

I am so not a fashion blogger, because I am not going to take photos of myself wearing different outfits but mainly because you need to keep up with trends and when you are “plus size” trends are generally out of reach!

Having said that, we have finally seen some colder weather come our way and I am slowly starting to need more layers and longer sleeves.

Over the weekend I took some time to go and look for a couple of necessary items: a black pants, a red top, new jeans and perhaps a casual top or two which can be dressed up or down and a simple black jacket which I can also wear to work but to the movies too.  To say that my shopping experience was horrendous would be an understatement!!!!

I do not understand firstly why there needs to a be separate section for “plus sized” women. In a country where obesity is on the rise I am more and more becoming a “normal size”…..but no I have to venture into the dark corners of stores to find the “plus” size section where believe me the selection is nowhere near and nice or as vast  as the “normal size” clothes.

So already I am discriminated against because I am “plus size” in a dogma of  “separate but in no way equal” but then I have to deal with the worst part of all……the actual “plus size” clothes.  Trust me it is an exercise in pure revoltion to walk through the few racks.  The clothes are either something which resembles my grandmothers curtain, something my grandmother crocheted (yes, because dressing like a doily is such a confidence booster) or it is something my grandmother would wear.

Friends, you don’t know what ugly is until you have been forced to shop in the “plus size” section!!!!! It makes me want to scream  “JUST BECAUSE I AM FAT, DOES NOT MEAN THAT I HAVE NO TASTE’!!!!!!!!!

So I walk around and I see tops covered in huge shocking yellow flowers, I see jeggings and leggings, I see dresses with a hemline which but barely covers the possibles and the impossibles (if you get my drift).  I see sleeveless tops, I see high waisted skirts and heaven help me I see pants in various "loud" prints.  Friends, there is NOTHING flattering in jeggings or leggings when you are “plus sized”, you can’t make an impression in the board room when your arm fat is flapping around all over the show and in view of everyone, you can’t dance at a wedding if you are tugging at the hem of your dress all evening.

Source has been withheld as not to offend......

I am often fortunate that I find some true treasure when I venture into these places of torture.  I am often complimented on my look/style and appearance which always makes me feel good because believe you me it is hard work when the fashion houses are working against you.

The worst part is that this is a problem which can be fixed with a few nips and tucks (of clothes and not of people).  If you take a cute maxi dress for example: 

Give it sleeves, change it to an a-line/empire line waist and use a solid fabric instead of printed!!! How difficult is that!!

So here is another thing: wearing bulky clothes makes a “plus size” looked like a stuffed sausage.  I am not saying freeze to death but work on layers instead of bulk and make sure they flow and the colours match and for Pete sake watch out for the prints. The stores are filled with these heavy thick "I'm off to Alaska" coats and jackets which seriously don't look flattering.  Winter can really be a time to dress more elegantly and look smart with very little effort….unfortunately though it takes effort real effort.

When looking for clothes I only have two rules:

1)    Just because it fits does not mean it looks right/good

2)    Less is always more

And when leaving the house there is only one rule:  LOOK IN THE MIRROR!!!! Check out your outfit from all angles.

So I have been scouring the internet looking for online stores overseas (mainly UK and USA) for clothes. I have put together a couple of looks which I like for winter, here’s kinda what I have in mind.

With one of the black jacket/blazer

Source

What do you think?

WEDNESDAY WORDS........

Gareth Cliff who is the morning DJ on 5 FM a national radio station is not my favorite person.  In my opinion his reputation as a “shock jock” is well deserved but having said that every Wednesday on FB and Twitter he encourages his followers to have “no negativity Wednesday”.  This got me thinking……..a dangerous thing I know but here goes:

Words have power……whether they are written or spoken they continuously drive us through life. Words have the power to lift us up, drag us down, they can wound us deeply or heal our hearts, they can break confidences or build lifelong friendships.  Words have the ability to start wars and end them.

The words that we speak can have a profound effect on the people they reach. Do your words encourage or discourage those you aim them at?  

When I was on holiday a few weeks ago, a friend and I were having cocktails one afternoon by the resort pool.  I saw a dad walking with his son and just as I was thinking “aw sweet” the dad up and smacked the son against the head and said “you rubbish”.  Now I don’t know what the son had done to provoke this kind of reaction from the father and frankly I don’t care.  There can be no just cause for this kind of reaction!!!!! 

As I was trying to restrain myself from getting up and laying a major smack down on the father (I had the weight advantage) I wondered if parents realise just how much power their words have. A parents words shape the lives of their children in a variety of ways. For example if children consistently hear their parents being critical or judgmental they learn to be critical and judgmental too. If parents are rude and treat others without courtesy and respect, is that not how their children will treat others. If parents are constantly shouting at their kids and yelling at each other is it then not obvious that this kind of use of words will be displayed by the children. Children imitate their parents and if parents use words in a negative manner so too will the children.

I have so many friends who are shocked and horrified to find themselves repeating the words they heard their parents utter as children.  Things like “this hurts me more than it hurts you”, or “sit down and shut up”.  Shut up REALLY!!!  Oh and the woes of when the nursery school calls and says that little Johnny is using swear words.  The embarrassment stems from the fact that in all likelihood little Johnny learnt to swear from mommy and daddy.

Of course my friends tell me that there are days when they hear the most absurd words coming out of their mouth like “Don’t you dare rub that poo on the walls……it’s not a crayon”, or “Dog food is not for little girls”.

Words have set whole nations in motion…Give me the right word and the right accent and I will move the world. Joseph Conrad

In the Book of James, the Bible compares our tongues to a horse. Not the most flattering of comparisons but very accurate.

If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to harness the whole body...Indeed we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn (or control) their whole body. James 3:2-3

All it takes to control this majestic creature who has a spirited personality is a small piece of metal so why then can we not control the words that fall from our own lips. Why then do we find it a daily struggle to refrain from using words that harm, destroy and discourage.

Do we really even try to control the words we use?  We seem so able to control every other aspect of our lives but when it comes to the words we use we seem to have a distinct lack of self discipline.

This is not a new problem and unless you are a hermit, not one limited to just me (at least I pray not).  It really does seem easier to harness the extreme power of a wild horse than to reign in the power of our tongues.  There are days that it seems to take on a life of its own, it becomes totally out of control especially when there are heightened emotions involved.  My road rage is a definite example!!!  I work really hard to combat the anger I feel when a taxi cuts me off on the highway but my tongue seem to be so much faster than my brain and when come to myself again I realise that I have used words I should not have.

“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. “ Dorothy Nevill

Words sting and have a lasting effect.  We must take responsibility for the words spewing forth from our mouths.  Yes, we have a constitutional right to free speech, but speech is not completely free.  There are always consequences for what we say, whether we acknowledge the impact or not.

Are our words…." Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, it rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevers. Love never fails." 1 Cor 13:4.

Are you building up your partner, your children, your friends, your colleagues, your waitress or even a stranger with your words. Or are you breaking them down, are you tearing down your family and friends with words which criticise, words filled with bitterness and words that judge.

Do you speak negative words over yourself which destroy your self esteem, your health and your own success in life? Remember that words have power even when you turn them on yourself.

Words can inspire us to achieve great heights, they allow us to share our deepest feelings with one each other.  Words can change us as individuals, as families, as a nation and as humans. When used with care, words can change the world which surrounds us.

Our tongues need to be trained to speak words of love, encouragement, care, joy, happiness and most of all we need to train our tongues to validate those we love.

So let's choose to use our words to encourage and uplift. Let's choose to select them using wisdom and love.

The old adage of sticks and stones.............so not true!  Words can be
destructive and should be used with care.

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.......

Between being alone and being lonely.....

To me being alone is not something I mind because I don’t have issues going to a movie on my own or even going to a restaurant on my own.  And yes, I have even had dinner on my own in a crowded restaurant. And wait for it…….I enjoy going on holidays on my own!!!

But being lonely now that is something else all together.  It is a feeling that comes from deep inside of you and slowly but surely permeates each and every part of your being. I don’t think it is really an emotion you can put into words because it holds such incredible power.

Somewhere between living my life I became lonely.  I have had moments of loneliness but not for very long. This weekend was however, different and a very strong reminder that I am not only alone but lonely.  I was sick (am still but that’s another story) and ended up spending the weekend in bed under doctors orders.  It was either that or a hospital stay and I was so not going to hospital. 

On Friday night I climbed into bed and only really climbed out this morning.  Lying there I realized that I am no one’s priority, I don’t even know if I feature as even remotely important to anyone.  I have great friends and I know they care about me and dare I say even love me but they have their own lives. They are for the most part working moms and dads so over weekends its family time ….time to spend quality time with their respective significant others and with their off spring.  I don’t blame them, if I had a family they would be my priority too but I don’t so what has happened is that I have made everyone else a priority …………….except for myself.

Even my family was too busy with their own “stuff” to check in on me.  I lay there and realized that even though I had said on FB that I am sick no one had called, no one had sent a text message and no one had asked if I needed anything.

I did need something…..besides the fact that my fridge was empty and my grocery cupboard had thanks to long working hours not been replenished in almost two weeks I needed someone to care.  To reach out to me and just  let me know that it was gonna be ok.  I need human contact.  I enjoy conversation (ok I am talkative) but I enjoy having other people surround me.  I feed off them and recharge my batteries from being around those I care about and even those who I don’t know can fill my cup!!! Instead I did not eat the entire weekend and spent the hours I was awake wondering if I was ever going to matter enough to someone else.

Because here is the thing.  When my friends or family are ill I take them “get well” parcels which normally consist of the basics like milk, bread and cheese and some nice things like chips, biltong and depending on the friend or family member chocolate. I add some “Woolies” readymade meals and some rusks for those yucky mornings.  I also get something to drink and maybe through in a magazine or flowers.  I send text messages and call at least once a day to check in and find out if there is anything else they need.  I have been known to pick up kids from school, sort laundry do dishes and stock fridges.

I kept on waiting for something to happen but nothing did………………..I was not only alone but lonely.  There was no one to give a bit of TLC, there was no one to change the sheets after a fever, no one to run to the store for ice lolly to cool my throat.  No one to just have a bit of a chat with, no one to give me a hug and tell me it was gonna be ok.  No one would have known if I had died there………..and that is my greatest fear, to die on my own!!!!  Hour after hour I wondered why this had happened, what had I done to result in this situation.  How do you become unimportant????  Is it being 37, Is it being 37 and single?  Is it being 37, single and childless? Am I that irrelevant and if so what does that say about the life I live?

Many years ago a very good friend of mine addressed me as Mother Teresa Lisa because I am always taking care of others and trying to be helpful and ultimately trying to be the best friend, daughter, sister and employee I can be. 

I spend my life making everyone and everything a priority but I have successfully left myself off the list, is it any wonder then that I am on no one else’s list either……….