Relationships are work….whether it is your relationship with family, friends, colleagues or your signification other they all require effort, time and work!!
I have been thinking a lot about friendships recently. I have shared how I choose for the first time in my life to walk away from a friendship and my reasons for doing so. This was a big step for me and although there are times when I miss the friendship and the friend I don’t regret my decision.
I recently realised that I no longer have any single friends. All have found a significant other and over the past months the impact of being the only single has become blatantly obvious. No more spontaneous nights out, no quick coffee dates after work, no leisurely lunches over weekends, no impulsive trips to the mall, no spur of the moment day trips and no let’s just get together for a pizza and DVD nights. Everything is now very structured and planned. I tried popping round to a friend for a quick cup of coffee the other day and after 30 minutes of giving me the run around she eventually admitted that her boyfriend (do still call them that at our age) is coming over for a romantic dinner so although she would love to see me she really needs to have a bath and get ready. Another friend invited me over for an early supper….early because her boyfriend (?) was coming over around 21:00 so I needed to be out of the way by then. Of course that’s not the way it was said but boy it sure was implied!!!
Some of my friends schedule their downtime so that we can spend time together while others badger me into joining them and their partners. The scheduled plans may not be spontaneous and spur of the moment but they are fun and they are always special because it is with those friends that I feel like they are truly making an effort and putting in the work to keep the friendship going. Those who badger me into coming over for dinner or joining them for a movie or whatever with their significant other don’t make me feel like they are putting in any kind of effort mainly because they spend the majority of the time talking to their partner or only talking about things that interest their partner so that they feel part of the evening….well what about me!!! I hate feeling like a third wheel and in all honesty I would rather avoid the situation completely than be left feeling like an afterthought.
Firstly, let’s just state the obvious…I am friends with you not your partner. I may over time develop some level of friendship with them but you are my friend, you are the one I want to spend time, you are the one I choose to have as part of my life. Secondly, being friends means sharing things, often things that are personal and things I would prefer not to discuss in the presence of any man let alone your partner. I really don’t relish being pillow talk for the two of you later!!
I get that there is no longer as much time to spend with friends, I also understand that if given the choice between spending time with friends and spending time with the person you are involved with then well friends can wait. I also recognise that friends will choose their partners advice over yours as their friend in spite of the fact that you have known them longer and on some level know them better. I appreciate the fact that friends will now sprout the opinion of their significant other and agree whole heartedly with their opinions regardless of the fact that prior to meeting them their opinion was the polar opposite.
Friendships change, they evolve and that’s how it should be if the friends are growing and learning as they travel on their path. I guess, I am just at a loss at the moment on where I stand in the midst of all the change.
Being single sucks for many reasons but this is not one I saw coming, it was not something I could ever predict let alone prepare for.
Here are some quotes on friendship that stood out for me today…
So today I CHOOSE to recognise that friendships change and in the process of the metamorphosis I CHOOSE to understand that there may be moments of hurt and misunderstandings. I CHOOSE to believe in the power of friendship and I CHOOSE to understand that sometimes letting go is the kindest thing you can do for yourself...