CHOOSEDAY......

Last night on her way home from work, my mom's car broke down on the highway.  She phoned me in a complete state of fear/panic.......

It was not a good day to have something like this happen because firstly it was 20:23 (she worked the late shift), its winter and because its winter I was already home and had not worked late.  If I had I would have been about ten minutes from where here car stopped but instead I was over half an hour away.  My brother had worked late and although on his way home he was about an hour away.  Also it was obviously dark and the cars on the highway were speeding past mom at a rapid rate of knots.

So it's dark, it's cold, we are all at least half an hour away from her, she's on the highway and she is alone!!!

My brother drove like a demon ( I don't even want to think of the speeding fines which will be finding their way to our post box) but my mom in the meantime had a complete panic attack and I could not calm her down over the phone.

When I eventually go the full story about what had happened from her I realised that it could not be the battery which had run flat but something far more serious.  This would mean that the jumper cables that my brother had with him was not going to work and the car would have to be towed.  This freaked mom out even more because she had a very bad experience towing a car years ago!! 

My brother arrived and tried to calm mom down and figure out what to do.  He tried to jump start the car but it would not take. I in the meantime was trying to get hold of the insurance company because we get two free tows a year.....my dad however could not remember where he had put the insurance information and they would not help me without a policy number.

Needless to say when my mom called and said that my brother had just left her alone in the dark and drove off I had a complete sense of humor failure!!!  I got dressed (it's winter I was in my pj's already) grabbed the phone book and got into my car.  I drove like a bat out of hell but I had to drive to the nearest off ramp in order to get on the right side of the highway. 

When I got to mom's car she was missing and my brother was talking to some cops.  My blood ran cold...what could have happened??  Turns out my nutty brother had left mom to try and turn his car around so that she could drive his car home while he waited for the tow truck.  The police had investigated because as the one cop said "I've never seen someone reversing on the wrong side of the highway".  Yip my brother had taken a dangerous chance but the police were understanding and did not give him a fine.

The tow truck arrived and eventually we got home at about 22:00 last night.  Hungry, cold and very tired.

While waiting for the tow truck and talking to my brother I realised that I was really really angry.  It took a while but I finally worked out that I was angry at my dad!!  It sounds so awful and please forgive me but my dad was always so dependable, so strong and always took charge of situations.  Last night he did not even get out of bed to help me look for the insurance papers!!

I was angry because I have been robbed of my daddy and now I have to be the strong, composed, organised and rational one and heaven help me I am so not a rational person!!! I am not strong enough to take on this role, I don't know that I want to take it on!!

So today I CHOOSE to understand that my dad is no longer the man he was, I CHOOSE to acknowledge that disease and age has robbed my family of the man we depended on. I CHOOSE to step up and take on this role and I CHOOSE to with God's help have a good attitude about it. I CHOOSE to let go of my anger because it won't heal my dad.  BUT I also CHOOSE to continue to pray that if God wills it my dad will be restored to his full measure of health!!